Saturday 3 January 2015

Happily ever afters aren't always what they seem

All throughout my life, all I've ever wanted is to settle down, get married and have children. For some people that's the last thing on their list and they want to travel and get drunk and have lots of sex in the meantime... So anyway, I didn't wait. I thought I'd found 'The One' (lol) and I got pregnant. Just like that. It didn't even occur to me that at the tender age of 17 I had what so many desired- fertility. Nope, I wanted a baby. I had two, I lost one. I thought he'd look after me and because we were both so young and immature, he didn't. I don't blame him. What we went through wasn't something anyone should have to. But it did. Of course whilst I'm talking about losing our child, I also mean getting pregnant young, whilst by no means do I regret nor would I trade my children in for any other life than I have... they were right. There was still things I wanted to do. Things I hadn't even given myself the chance to consider. I was a baby, not even a fully grown adult, in the eyes of the law I was merely a child. Fast forward twelve months later and my children's father and I had split up for the billionth and final time, just two days before their first birthday, our "engagement" ended. I'd taken up quite an important job within the family business because he couldn't find employment. Just as things came together, they were falling apart. I started saving. I seldom let anyone in, in fear they would let me down. It seemed to take forever but in November 2013, after months of hard work and a LOT of family support, I bought my house. Nearly a year after that, in 2014 I passed my driving test. I had a lot of shit thrown at me, and whilst I didn't stop moaning, I didn't stop anything else either. I fought and I won, I didn't need anyone except the people who loved me along the way, even when shit got tough, they were there. I don't need someone to love me, the ones who do always have... but it would be nice to be able to open up to somebody else.