Now I understand.

I'm thinking positive. Before I couldn't understand why someone wouldn't want to talk about our son all the time, why people want to "forget" (move on) from the sadness. I wanted to dwell on it and wallow in my sadness. But I'm tired now. It's coming to the end of this year, I have to say I am glad. I'm leaving this year behind, getting happy. I can't let myself be dragged down when I have a healthy boy, that at one point I even wondered if he was coming home. Now I understand that Christopher lived his short life for him and I should be grateful he lived, not constantly depressed because he died. I am truly blessed to have Harry as my focus. Not a lot of people have it and I do. I do and I need to realise that. If I get sad, I won't stop it. I will let it take as long as it needs and then pull myself back together again. Now I understand what you mean. This isn't how I want it to be. You don't like seeing me down and I understand. I know you care.