Because I can, so I will.

Never take your chances at motherhood for granted, they could be snatched away in an instant. The moment you know you are a mum, you should change. Everything, your whole outlook on life. If it doesn't, something is very wrong. I've changed, I know I've changed. I don't know how I cope sometimes, it's very lonely being a single and working mum. It's tough, from the moment you wake, you are theirs. They need you all day until someone else can take over and you can go to work, until twelve that night- half eleven if you're lucky. Then you go to bed and wake up and do it all again. But I wouldn't change that. It's rewarding like you wouldn't believe. Getting out of bed is a struggle for me, Harry is truly the only reason I do- but I do. When I look around the door to see Harry standing in his cot, or bouncing. and smiling at me it tugs at my heart. I love him so much. He takes my patience to the limits when he is ill and won't eat or drink- but really, that's the only time. The other times I struggle are possibly when I just get a bit overwhelmed by everything, suddenly everything that has happened over the past couple of years hits me like a ton of bricks and I'm knocked for six. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm happy. I'm frustrated. It was me that made that pregnancy happen- I missed the pill. The person who can throw that back in my face every time is the same person who promised me the world yet finds it difficult to secure work and pay his way. No, I'm not really bothered about the financial side of things... all I need is time. Time for Harry and time for me. It would be nice just to have that person turn up with a bag of nappies when he turns up for a few hours on a weekend. I ask for him to look after Harry whilst I work- NOT while I get hammered- while I WORK! And this is babysitting, a chore. The point he seems to miss is that I work towards getting a house for his son and me, because that's something I could never depend on him for. I'm ANGRY. Can anyone blame me? Can anyone honestly say that I haven't got a right to express my feelings. I can only do this by typing. To the world. Fxck- who cares? Shoot me. I got an A* for my drama performance and no one expects me to need an audience? People blog for different reasons, well this is my reason. Because I can, so I will.
I'm going to bed.